May 19

Today Parker and I drove thirty five minutes to Jenn Naze's house even though we had to be at the school in forty minutes (meaning we were alloted five minutes to spend at Jenn Naze's house). We drove on a really pretty road. I told Parker that I was disappointed at my lack of nostalgia for leaving high school, and he correctly pointed out that the nostalgia will only kick in after the experience is completely over. Right now I'm supposed to be "living in the moment," which is exactly what I'm doing. I have no choice but to, what with so many unimportant obligations cluttering my life. Mr. Welsch gave me a completely fake A for the term, which is okay by me. What a funny class that was. I don't really want to say goodbye to anyone. Especially because the goodbyes I will have to distribute tomorrow are the shallow ones to people whom I won't miss terribly. I also don't want to say goodbye to the people whom I will miss terribly, but that won't come till later. I wonder if  "I saw you from time to time and you occasionally impacted my life, but now I will never see you again" is an acceptable alternative to, "Byeee!! We're definitely hanging out this summer, okay?" I'm wearing a dress.

But where was I when I heard that first sound of humility? 

It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody. 

How grateful I am to be part of the mystery, 

to love and to be loved. 

Let's just hope that is enough.