May 31

My sleeping cousin is in the basement, and so is the cord that connects my camera to my computer. So the picture won't go up until tomorrow, in the morning, and chances are by the time you read this it's already up. Today we went to the Heifer Project briefly and it started raining so we left. Then I went to see Parker become an Eagle Scout. I didn't know until now how Fascist the Boy Scouts are. But it was still nice and it made me feel really proud of Parker. He's a good one. The song of the day is "The Penalty" by Beirut which I feel bad about since I know it was song of the day very recently, and I always repeat songs. But this one has a beautiful melody that is also kind of haunting. I went to Cafe Dolce with Andrew so we could have good talk about our lives. Every time I go to Cafe Dolce the same Wachusett-grad waiter is there. I wonder if he remembers me but he must because I've been a lot in the past two years. I can tell if I knew him on a personal level I wouldn't like him. When I was walking from the parking lot, I looked through the window of a new restaurant at about the same time I smelled barbecue. The restaurant had clearly just been opened because there were no decorations of any sort, with the exception of three sloppily arranged saddles that rested on a divider. There was one family eating. I think there were four members in the family but the only portion I remember is a little girl, maybe four years old, with short, even bangs, holding food to her mouth. We made eye contact as I walked by.


May 30

Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I slept over Abby's house. Actually I should say I stayed over, since as far as I can tell, I was never fully asleep. We went to bed at about five but I remained fully awake until the sun was up, mostly due to the combined snores of Liz, Lanny, Jeff, and Ben Meyers, who were all immediately surrounding me. Then I fell asleep for about two hours. People sleep funny. Liz and Lanny both claimed to be non-snorers despite my hard proof. Ben Meyers talked in his sleep, and the only comprehensible word was "unforgettable." That struck me as an extremely suitable thing for Ben to say in his sleep. I still love prom, which is weird, because I never have seen myself as a fervent proponent of school events. My dancing is becoming stranger. Yesterday I cleared a circle around myself three times, but mostly only because people are disgusted and feel the need to back away. This is comical to me. 

Today on the way to Michela's house with Liz and Jeff, 88.9 played a song about cats. It's the song of the day even though I don't know what it's called. The lyric most often repeated was "What kind of cat are you?" which made me happy and eager to volunteer an answer. "Catalyst?" the singer's voice cheerfully offered. 88.9 is great and often seems to be hosting some weirdly themed spotlight. Usually it's either reggae or children's music. Today is the first time the sun was out all week and I walked to CVS with my mom and my cousin. The mass graves of the trees are finally cleared away, as of yesterday. Seeing my street so clean and pretty creates an air that the wounds inflicted by the ice storm are finally healing. I like the idea that we experienced an event tumultuous enough to seriously impact our lives. The damage wasn't repaired the week after, but only will be years after. 

May 29

I love prom I love prom


May 28

I wish I could say I took this awesome picture intentionally. I have no idea how it ended up on my memory card, so I will owe it up to a camera malfunction. However I think it is a beyond excellent representation of a dance party. Trancephat is really good. I hope they keep playing, even though they won't. The song of the day is "Plane Crash in C" by Rilo Kiley. It annoys me to have to continually revisit Wachusett, mostly because I am clearly unwanted there. Today I visited Miss Jensen to tell her I couldn't attend the arts encore ceremony. When I walked into her office, she greeted me with an expression I can only describe as one of shock and disgust. I said, "Hi, I'm Phoebe," striving fruitlessly to make light of the fact that I've been her student for four years. But she just looked even more disgusted and said "Okay... I know...." and kind of backed away a little. My poor attempt at humor was stifled. I guess Miss Jensen is a part of my past now.

My life is really easy now. I don't have any schoolwork, or any actual work for that matter, as I'm not going back to Farmland until after graduation. I'm still pretty busy, but mostly with unimportant errands, like watching Liz spend the last fifty dollars in her bank account on a mani-pedi and reading three different magazine articles about Robert Pattinson's love interests. I have a lot of pain right now. In my foot. My left fourth toe to be specific. It's been painful for a long time. Tonight it hurt worse than ever, and tomorrow it will be bad at prom. I don't want to talk about this any more; it's too painful.

I'm excited for promazeeni

I have no idea what's been going on lately, 
and I just wish you would come over and explain things


May 27

This picture is of the carnival that occasionally sets up in the Greendale Mall parking lot. I've seen it every year since I was a kid, but I only went once. It was with my sister and my neighbor Katie Hughes when I was maybe twelve years old. Because hot dogs, dizzyness, and crowded, dirty spaces are what I believe to be life's greatest vices, I did not enjoy my time at the carnival. On the only ride in which I reluctantly participated, I expected to die; I played one arcade game and won nothing; I dropped cotton candy on the muddy pavement; I am now permanently sickened at the thought of riding "teacups". I would not recommend the Greendale Mall parking lot carnival to anyone. It does look rather ethereal in the night, though.

Today was grim and drizzly. Grizzly. Tomorrow I take my last final and then I actually am done with high school, even though I've said I've been done before countless times. This morning I ate  a sandwich at 11:16 a.m. and then left the plate on the table when I went to check the mail at 11:22 a.m. The mailbox was empty, but after I shut it I looked up and noticed the mailman walking down the pathway, mail in hand. When I went back inside, I put my plate into the dishwasher. If I had done this before I checked the mail, there would have been mail in the mailbox when I opened it the first time. I was bored today and didn't have much to think about. 

The song of the day is "Ingrid Bergman" by Billy Bragg and Wilco. It was playing when I swerved off the highway and into a lonely and dark parking lot to take this picture. It was also playing when I started writing this entry; the objective was to finish before the song ended but it's only a one minute and fifty second song so I didn't make it. I should have picked a longer song.


May 26

It's almost June! June is my favorite month of the year, and it will be my best yet this year because I don't have to do that whole school thing anymore. My mom is back to her muffin ways. Tonight she made zucchini spice which might be my favorite. All kinds of favorites today. I took my favorite English test ever. It was an essay test about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead. I read about half of this play, but I had so much fun writing the essay. My best sentence was, "Actors are not humans, they are machines." I wish I could see my grade, it will probably be awful. Song of the day is "Please Do No Go" by the Violent Femmes. My lens cap just surfaced in the dryer! It's been lost for quite some time.

This is how I wish my anatomy final would be scored: Special prize for every correct answer, no deduction for every incorrect answer. The special prize will be either a gold star or a stuffed monkey. Candy for the answers on the diagrams. I'm going to imagine this is the case so that it will be like a game and a fun experience. Finals are so much fun, especially when they don't matter! The most interesting thing that happened to me is that I had Gardisil shot number 2, and there is absolutely no comment I can make about it other than that it was a shot.

Baby all I need is a shot in the arm.


May 25

The best adjective to describe this picture may be "silly." Today we went to Boston and a couple noteworthy things happened. One was that we passed a man with a shirt that said "I Love Cats" when we were near the MFA. Sadly, I missed it, and Michela pointed it out to me enthusiastically afterwards. Later, while walking down Newbury Street, we passed the man again, and again, I was oblivious. I think me missing the chance to comment on this man's shirt not once, but twice, is an example of cruel cosmic irony. I love cats. This man and I could have shared a close bond, but the gap of opportunity has closed. Two guys standing near Urban Outfitters were playing a game where they guess what passer-byes listen to. When we passed they said "Oh tough group... uh... The Postal Service!" to which I enthusiastically cheered because they were close enough. I mean all of us listen to the Postal Service, with the exception of Michela. I don't know though, I don't really want to be characterized as someone who listens to the Postal Service, even though I do. What does that say about me? I wish he had said Belle & Sebastian. We found this funny little book in the MFA gift shop called Hipster Haiku. It's pretty self-explanatory. I just looked it up on Google and found these funnies:

I only kissed you
Because I saw the playlists
On your damn iPod

After my fifth year,
"Philosophy Ph.D."
Didn't sound punk rock

Extra-small sweater
Reveals a complete lack of
Muscle tone, or fat

My bike frame tangles 
With yours on the curb outside
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Michela bought a homeless man a Snickers Bar. While we walked away, we turned to see him eating it, and we all felt really happy and proud and we smiled to ourselves, even though only one of us had been responsible for this man's temporary happiness. I am a little disillusioned by the lack of interracial relationships around me. You'd think there would be more integration in a big city. That reminds me of something sad. This morning in the New York Times Magazine there was an article about a high school in Alabama that has two proms, one for white students and one for black students. They are at the same venue on two different nights. Apparently this is not uncommon in the Southern United States. How sad, to think we haven't come nearly as far as we thought we had. 

The song of the day is "Record Year" by the Decemberists. I like Boston, more than most cities.


May 24

This man is doing what I did about ten seconds earlier. Maybe you can't tell, but this picture was taken in the midst of a heavy downpour during which I ran from this door to the car approximately ten feet away and became drenched. For some reason whenever my hair gets wet it dries crunchy. Today all I did was travel from Philadelphia back home, so nothing really interesting to report. The Cheesecake Factory sucks. I hate everything about it. I hate how big their portions are and how many damn choices you have to make. Is it really necessary to have thirty different kinds of cheesecake? We got turtle cheesecake, and it tasted like sweet goo. Painful. They really should spend more of their enormous funds on honing cheesecake and nothing else. Just original cheesecake, none of this whole-snickers-bar-baked-into-the-cheesecake-topped-with-caramel-and-chocolate shit. Gah. I think chain restaurants might be the problem with everything.

The song of the day is "Marry Song" by Band of Horses. Today I listened to music for five hours and I made some "On-the-Go Playlists." One was "Songs for Graduation," on which most of the songs had nothing to do with graduation, and the other was "When I Sing Along to These Songs I Sometimes Close My Eyes Cause They're So Great." Marry Song was on the second one. The MFA is free tomorrow, an opportunity I will no doubt take advantage of. 


May 23

My sister just said, " I wish celebrities lived in tiny houses." I wonder why she said that. Does she mean tiny as in little models of houses that can fit in outstretched palms? I don't know if I've mentioned it on this blog before, but I am going to California for two weeks this summer. We are camping in Yosemite and then backpacking through San Francisco. I'm really excited because I've never been to any part of California before. Since I won't be able to blog every day, I was thinking about maybe putting up a lot of pictures for every time I have access to a computer, and writing about the whole trip. Hmm. I am anticipating taking a lot of great pictures this summer, so I'm brainstorming projects. I don't want to hint at any though, in case they don't work out. The song of the day is "Gronlandic Edit" by Of Montreal. Today I wrote two lists on the electronic notepad on my cell phone. One was things I have to do on Monday, and the other was albums I have to download. Today I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I liked it and "Get Me Away From Here (I'm Dying) by Belle and Sebastian was in part of it. I love that song. It should have been song of the day. It reminds me of Freshman Year when it was Parker's myspace song, and then I learned that I liked Belle and Sebastian. I am typing really fast for some reason. The picture of the day is my cousin Ali. The picture is grainy but I have no better alternative. 

Also we went to Urban Outfitters and there was strangely no mens's section. Then we shopped at a Farmer's Market and there were Amish women working there and I thought for a little that they were just dressing up but then realized that they were Amish and felt stupid. If you were Amish, what would you think about all the people around you that weren't Amish? That they were just wrong or suffering? Like living the wrong way? It's really weird that people can have such different beliefs and lifestyles but they're all right. Or at least say they are. 

I have a headache on the bridge of my nose.


May 22

As I type this, Twilight is playing from a TV directly behind me. Today my mom graduated and the day was long and boring. But at night we went to the part of Philadelphia near UPenn and it was beautiful. Right before and right after sunset is the perfect light for photography. I made everyone wait to get a table at the restaurant so I could walk a couple blocks down the street and take a picture of a blue bicycle. I saw it while we were driving and knew it would make a good shot. It did. While I was standing in front of the bicycle a boy rode behind me on a bike. He was maybe twenty. He said "Hi!" and I turned around and saw him looking behind him ad smiling as he rode in the opposite direction. It caught me off guard because people don't usually talk to strangers, especially when their backs are turned and they are taking a picture of a blue bicycle. What an awesome guy! I don't know what we're doing tomorrow but I have a feeling it will involve the Liberty Bell and/ or Urban Outfitters.

I really want Twilight to be my guilty pleasure but it just makes me irritated. I'm going to watch it anyways. The song of the day is "A Girl In Port" by Okkervil River. 

Let fall your soft and swaying skirt; let fall your shoes, let fall your shirt


May 21

It is one minute before midnight and I am in Philadelphia. Tomorrow my mom gets her doctorate from internet college, which turned out to be an actual college, who knew? Today was divided into two sections. The first was the senior breakfast and hanging around. I hate to complain, but the senior breakfast was rather disappointing, mostly because of its uncanny resemblance to a normal study. Then Abby and I took our last pig test and I had to label Geralda's private parts. After we were done I went to the cafeteria and talked to Will, but then Ms. Davey told me I had to leave. I guess this is my cue that I no longer belong in high school. It feels weird that for four years I had no choice but to attend every minute of high school, and when I didn't, I would be threatened with "disciplinary action." The transition from that to being expelled completely happened literally overnight. I am so tired but it doesn't really matter. The song of the day is "Milk Thistle" by Conor Oberst. 

Today before we embarked on our six hour drive, my neighbor and her daughter Celia came to our house. Celia is five and she wanted to deliver the "newspaper" she typed. This was the content:

Today all the branches get picked up!

Flowers are blooming!

It's getting hot SUNNY DAY!


May 20

A short and poorly prepared saga of my high school experience

Freshman Year
On the first day of freshman year, my whole outfit was from American Eagle. I walked to band every day with Susie and Parker. We walked outside from the modulars, along the length of the old building, until we arrived at the new building. We did this all through the winter. Susie and Parker liked the fresh air, but I hated walking outside. I wanted to walk inside, a route that took approximately four additional minutes. It was cold in the winter and I often wore my winter jacket during band because I was still cold from the walk. One day Susie and Parker were both sick so I had to walk alone. Mark Hecox caught up with me and talked to me. I remember it must have been spring because he was talking about the band officer elections for the next year. I must admit I had somewhat of a crush on Mark Hecox, but this was only because he was a senior boy. Very little seniors talked to me, and even less boys. When I told Susie about the day she missed in an email, I told her not that I walked with Mark Hecox, but with Mark Peacocks.

Sophomore Year
When I returned for Sophomore Year I had started wearing mascara every other day. Liz and I shared a locker. She was neat and I was messy. It is still like this today, only Liz has grown messier. One day my mom packed a plum in my lunch but I didn't have time to eat it. I put my plastic lunch bag, in which my plum was stored for later consumption, on the top shelf of my locker, on top of my French notebook. Then I forgot about it for about one month. After that, we noticed small clusters of fruit flies that escaped from our locker. Then came an bitterly acidic smell. It took me longer than it should have to realize that the process of decomposition had taken place right there, on our very own top shelf. Embarrassed, I didn't want anyone to know about the rotten fruit I had been storing, so I could only complete Operation Remove Plum when no one else was watching. One day during math with Mrs. Redford, I asked to go to the bathroom, walked to my locker, held my nose, removed the bag, carried it outside, and threw it in a large dumpster. I still couldn't use my French notebook though, because black plum juice had soaked a rather large "O" through all the pages.

Junior Year
In Junior Year, I made more friends and was introduced to the concept of group hugs. I maintained a C average throughout first semester of Topics in College Math Honors, a class that I found incredibly difficult despite the obnoxious ease of my peers. During third term, I suffered a downfall during a gruesome batch of game theory tests. Mrs. Miller, my pregnant teacher, wrote "See Me" under a particularly shocking test score, an action I had previously thought only occurred in movies. I stayed after class to talk to her. I expected her to reprimand me for my embarrassingly poor performance, but instead, she commended me on my continual effort. She said, "Phoebe, I know you can do this. You are smart, and I can see that. You just freak out when you take tests." Mrs. Miller's unexpected kindness made me weepy. She offered me a box of tissues and made me promise not to equate grades with self-worth. The next day, Mrs. Miller wrote everyone's class averages down on slips of notebook paper. On mine she simply scrawled, "Not important." Mrs. Miller taught me a lot about life.

Senior Year
On Halloween during Senior Year, I dressed up like a zombie and ran around in Holden's oldest cemetery. I had conversations about the Velvet Underground with two teachers, and one of the conversations was in French.


May 19

Today Parker and I drove thirty five minutes to Jenn Naze's house even though we had to be at the school in forty minutes (meaning we were alloted five minutes to spend at Jenn Naze's house). We drove on a really pretty road. I told Parker that I was disappointed at my lack of nostalgia for leaving high school, and he correctly pointed out that the nostalgia will only kick in after the experience is completely over. Right now I'm supposed to be "living in the moment," which is exactly what I'm doing. I have no choice but to, what with so many unimportant obligations cluttering my life. Mr. Welsch gave me a completely fake A for the term, which is okay by me. What a funny class that was. I don't really want to say goodbye to anyone. Especially because the goodbyes I will have to distribute tomorrow are the shallow ones to people whom I won't miss terribly. I also don't want to say goodbye to the people whom I will miss terribly, but that won't come till later. I wonder if  "I saw you from time to time and you occasionally impacted my life, but now I will never see you again" is an acceptable alternative to, "Byeee!! We're definitely hanging out this summer, okay?" I'm wearing a dress.

But where was I when I heard that first sound of humility? 
It came to my ears in the goddamn loveliest melody. 
How grateful I am to be part of the mystery, 
to love and to be loved. 
Let's just hope that is enough.


May 18

Today was nice kind of, and tonight is the probably the last night I'll be up late doing schoolwork until September. So I'm allowing myself to waste lots of time and make little progress, you know, to savor it. Yeah. Martha's Vineyard, like every other white touristy town I've been to, is mostly categorized by white people and things for tourists to buy. I bought Mr. Tarmey a post card that says "Cat Burglar" and has a picture of a naked man with a cat head, a pistol at his crotch, and cats lying at his ankles. I hope he likes it. 

I realized I don't have as much to say to the graduating class of 2009 as I thought I would. What I would really like to say can't be written in a speech. Maybe I should write a speech and give it only to my friends; that would be much easier. I just remembered that I have to audition this speech and might not even be picked. That would be embarrassing, seeing as everyone reading this knows I am attempting it. I have the same amount of school days left as I did last Thursday. In Martha's Vineyard, Graham found a store called "Third World Trade Cooperative" that he said almost made him throw up. It was stupid and exploitative, and in the display case in the window, a Buddha, a Bob Marley bib, a CD of French cultural music, and a Day-of-the-Dead skeleton were all arranged, no doubt by a wealthy white resident, within a square foot of each other. Alright I need to finish this speech.

The song of the day is "Hummingbird" by Born Ruffians.


May 17

I'm starting to worry that the length and bulk of my prom dress will hinder my reckless, maniacal dancing. This cannot happen, not only because it would likely result in tearing the fabric of my dress with my heels, but also because dancing like an animal with no control over body movements is something I cherish very close to my heart. 

Today was the last show and now I hopefully will never see Bye Bye Birdie, or hear a song from it, or a reference to it, or a joke about it, or the words "bye" and "bird" in the same sentence, ever again, for as long as I live. I am very happy to be done with it. Today Oleg pulled a miniature American flag out of nowhere, waved it around a little bit, and then put it under his chair. Mr. Miller jabbed him with a bass clarinet and told him that you never EVER put an American flag on the floor, even when it is made of shitty polyester and was manufactured in Taiwan by hungry little seven-year-olds. I pointed out that Oleg wasn't technically an American citizen until last January, so shouldn't he be entitled to less patriotism than the rest of our dumb lot. This was disregarded by everyone but Oleg. When I was leaving the school I realized that I could walk down the entire hallway from the cafeteria to the outside door, across the street, into the parking lot, and to my car, entirely in a straight line. So I did so of course, and noticed for the first time how incredibly difficult it is to walk in a straight line. I drove home and stopped at Kathryn Shoro's house, where Kathryn Shoro wasn't, but Steve, Jeff, Nate, and Joey were filming a movie. I watched them film it, and it was so funny that at one point I had to press my nose into the pavement to prevent myself from laughing out loud and ruining their only take. 

David Sedaris is a really good writer and he went to an okay college and dropped out. Does this mean I can be a good writer even though I'm going to Umass? Maybe not, because I can't even squeeze out a graduation speech. The song of the day is "It Just Is" by Rilo Kiley. I don't remember why now, but this phrase has been bouncing around in my head all day. It's simply the truest possible string of words you can ever imagine.


May 16

I can't get used to the idea that summer vacation is about to start, because it doesn't feel like spring is over yet. But this weekend is really fun, and driving home from Steve's tonight I started to realize that my summer is going to be so great. I really want to write a graduation speech, but I can't get a hook. I hope a lack of a hook doesn't end up being the reason for not writing one though. Besides that, I don't have any pressing obligations right now.

It is raining and I am drinking ginger ale that tastes funny. I think I should stop but I can't. Oh today Liz, Kelsey, Michela and I went prom dress shopping even though two of us already have dresses. Prom dress shopping still sucks, but it was a fun day overall. I can't find my ipod so I had to listen to cassettes in the car. My favorite mix tape got tangled up with an earring and the tape came out and made loops. This freaked me out a lot, but I soon realized you can rewind tapes. Rewinding tapes + driving = bad driving. Another way to word this equation is not looking at the road + not steering = bad driving. 

The song of the day is "Train in Vain" by the Clash. I'm collecting pictures that will chronicle my high school experience and it's fun.


May 15

Today in the backseat of my dad's car on the way to school I decided to document my whole day by taking lots of photographs everywhere I went. So now I have all these photos of the third to last school day of my senior year. I'm probably going to put them on facebook, not because I will feel any particular fulfillment by doing this, but because I don't know how else to guarantee that at least someone looks at them. Lanny would want me to call the album "My Beautiful Friends." I've always wanted to take a picture like this one. 

On New Year's Eve, I wrote down all my resolutions in two columns in my journal. One of the columns is for long-lasting resolutions and the other is for short-term ones. In the long-lasting column, I put general, hard-to-obtain goals like stay true to myself and express love towards others better. In the other column there were only three resolutions and they were to exercise regularly, write in a blog every day, and write in a journal every day. I've followed one out of three of these, which isn't so bad for my track record up till now. I don't know why I wanted to write in a journal and a blog every day, but I just realized something about myself. I couldn't stick to writing in a journal because I couldn't get past the notion that writing is pointless if no one reads it. Of course this is a philosophy shared by only some people, and others, like Liz, benefit greatly from writing what others will never see. It's just part of who I am though, to want everyone to read what I write. Even if it's mundane details about my generally mundane days that could only function on an internet blog. That's also why I still load my photos on Facebook even when I feel it's somehow degrading to them. Call me pretentious, but I have things to say, and I want someone to listen.

Another thing I realized about myself today is that I reversely love reading what my contemporaries write. If you want to start writing in a blog, I promise I will read it. Everyone thinks differently and portrays that differently in writing. Sometimes I wish I was still young enough to write and receive long, detailed notes from my friends. I love when people feel they can confide in me. I just found a note from my friend Dayna from fifth grade. The handwriting was neat and small and every line slanted down at about a thirty degree angle. The note featured comments about my earrings and recess. There are a couple people, maybe about five or so, that I've met during the past four years whose personalities are strong enough that I will continue to feel impacted by them, long after the end of high school. In a way, I think brief friendships, ones that flare brightly and then end soon after, can help you learn more about yourself than long-lasting ones. 

The song of the day is "No Future" by Titus Andronicus, despite the fact that my future is alive and breathing right now. 


May 14

Liz keeps a journal and writes in it every day of the year. She's as diligent as I am on this blog. It's really enviable to me that she can look back in her journal to see what she was thinking and doing exactly a year ago. I don't remember what I was doing last year. Today I am getting over a minor sickness and I'm done with AP tests. Since I will be playing in the pit for the majority of the school day tomorrow, and going to Martha's Vineyard on Monday, I guess I have two days of high school left. Weird. When is this heavily anticipated relief going to hit me? This is Stella's tail and the song of the day is Jesus, Etc. by Wilco. It's a beautiful, mournful song. I'm definitely not going to do a photo of the day blog next year, but maybe I'll do one in five or ten years. I still want to blog next year though. I have all these ideas. 

The end of high school is more anticlimactic than I ever could have anticipated. Does anyone else agree, or am I alone? I just realized I have so many recently taken pictures that no one has ever seen. I don't know what to do with them. I take too many pictures, and most of them never appear anywhere outside of iphoto. I just thought I heard a bee but it was Stella snoring. Today I had to take a math placement test for college and it was weirdly very difficult. I hate math a lot more than the average person. During the course of the test, I became spiteful towards college as an entity, math as an entity, and Mrs. Redford. My lips are chapped. I want to do something fun this weekend. 


May 13

Five days left of high school. Start cheering. I'm not cheering, but that is because I am sick and today was the worst. It was the worst because I had a bad hair day, and then I decided to wear red gym shorts with a yellow plaid shirt and purple sneakers. Every so often I have outfit malfunctions like this. At lunch I felt really jumpy and I couldn't sit down. Then I had rehearsal after school and then go right to orchestra and I didn't get home till nine. And I'm sick! I should have mentioned that before, because that is the main reason today sucks. I hate being sick, especially when it's not winter. In the winter, sickness is expected, but in the summer, it's a waste of time. I am so tired and I have an AP exam tomorrow but Mr. Welsch said we shouldn't study but instead waste our time on a pointless Adam Sandler movie or something of the like, just so we wouldn't think too hard about anything. I watched American Idol; I figured that sufficed. I'm looking forward to tomorrow, I think it will be better. The song of the day is "Safety Bricks" by Broken Social Scene. I'm on a BSS kick lately. 


May 12

These faces are picture of the day because my sister says my nature photographs are getting boring and I need to take pictures of people more often. Fair enough, but I am a little afraid of people. Sometimes they make big deals out of being photographed. This is not the attitude of a true photographer though, so I need to discard my shyness and just ask a stranger to stand still and look serious. Maybe I will have a week of only faces in photos! In twenty four hours, I went from being not sick to sick. My throat hurts, and it only feels better when I eat sugary things. This is a problem.

It's too bad Bye Bye Birdie has completely swallowed my life. Oh well, I wasn't really using it anyways. I'm nervous about my World History exam on Thursday. Really nervous. I'm going to be sick, too. And tired. And these things combined with not actually being equipped with a knowledge of world history will make for an interesting testing experience. Trying to think of a song of the day, I realize I didn't listen to any actual music today. It's all catchy Broadway songs. Oh boy. Not good. I need some Cake. The band, but actually, food cake would probably make my throat stop stinging. Today in English Mr. Tarmey told us the best stories, he is the best, he smashed a porcelain whale. I guess I am going to bed now...



May 11

Why is it that everyone is constantly worried about something, and then when that worry is over, it is replaced by a new one? I guess it's just natural human condition to be perpetually irked. I keep looking to a time where I won't be anxious or concerned about anything, and I am still waiting. I can't wait until the play is over. I am sick of waking up with "we love you co-on-rad" in my head. The song of the day is "Marry Song" by Band of Horses. I watched Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist today and I didn't like it at all. That actress is so annoying. And she doesn't even listen to music, I don't think. My sister is sick and I can feel myself catching it. Great. Today Graham took his shirt off in English for no reason and rehearsal lasted an extra hour. I ate so much junk food against my free will. I am so tired of senior prom and it's still weeks away. Oh, and today was my last Monday in high school! Unless I don't go to Martha's Vineyard. I probably won't actually.


May 10

For some reason it took close to half an hour for iphoto to load my picture, and I'm tired and want to go to sleep, and thus resentful of my blog. It's not even a good picture. Today was my first day back at Farmland and it was good because my boss loves me now. I feel like I should come up with some funny anecdote but I guess I don't have to if I don't have an obvious one; there will be plenty of time to write Farmland anecdotes on this blog seeing as it is pretty much my life this summer. Wow, I'm writing kind of badly. I really want to write a graduation speech but I can't think of anything I want to say. The reason I want to is mostly to indirectly thank Mrs. Paquette. This is my last full week of high school. My sister has a fever. The song of the day is "Classic Cars" by Bright Eyes. I think I am going to Newport Folk Festival. I don't want to go back to rehearsal, at all!!!!! Today Liz and I went to Pinecroft after I had work so we could catch up about what we did the day before. Actually just the night before. I don't know what we're gonna do when we're in college because we need to have at least an hour to catch up for every time we do separate activities. Oo let's not talk about that. Sam Doolittle has the most enormous cat I've ever seen.


May 9

Today I woke up and went to rehearsal for five hours and it was boring and I probably played for about 25% of the duration (75% of the time I sat still and tried not to fall asleep). But then I got to go to junior prom and it was so much fun! I love dancing so much, especially when I am surrounded by hundreds of sweaty teenagers whose inane grinding nearly begs to be mocked. But really, I love dancing. Liz let me borrow her dress from last year and it is "New York." I don't really feel like blogging anymore, but the point of this blog is that junior prom was fun. And the song of the day is any top 40 hip-hop song: take your pick, they're all the same to me.


May 8

I like this picture because nothing about it is sunny. It was actually pretty sunny today though, and this perceived cloudiness is the result of an incorrect white balance. I don't even remember what I did today. Oh yeah I watched the boys tennis team warm up. And I bought a prom dress. We went to a store that really only sells "big deal" prom dresses, if you know what I mean. We found a black one with huge polka dots that  was about six feet in diameter at the bottom. The girl in the changing room next to me tried on about twenty dresses during the time I was there. When asked what she thought about every single one, her response was always "It's different." She said it in a negative tone. Apparently she wanted a dress that was the same. I tried on two dresses and bought the second one. The first was absurd, but the women who worked in the store forced me to come out of the safety of my dressing room and put on a pair of dirty high heels. Then they ooed and ahhed about how good it looked, and when I asked one of them if she's ever not liked a dress, she responded, "It looks so good on you!" When I came out after trying on the second dress, the mother of the girl in the adjacent room was trying to persuade her daughter to try on the six-feet-wide polka dotted dress. But she didn't want to, and you know why? Because it was too different.

I just painted my nails a shade of blue that is all too bright and tomorrow I have rehearsal for five hours. The song of the day is "Please Don't Go" by the Violent Femmes. Whenever I straighten my hair, my thumb goes numb.


May 7

This picture reminds me of a joke Oleg told me in rehearsal today. This is it:
Joke: What did the ghost say to the bee?
Punch-line: Boo! (bee)
I enjoyed it at the time but now I'm having second thoughts. Today was weird; I feel like I had a long school day but I didn't go to any part of school. First we had the AP Lit test and I'm feeling pretty confident about it. I was struggling to stay awake during the multiple choice section, so that kind of worries me. My brain was shutting down. Then Liz gave me fruit snacks and I was fine for the essays. I never write for two hours nonstop outside of AP tests. It's crazy to write that much. After we went out to lunch Liz and I went to the playground behind the library to swing even though I can't swing too high because it makes me nauseous. And we made friends with a Mexican guy with a three year old kid. He was twenty and he worked at Playa del Carmen. When his son kept yelling things in Spanish and laughing really hard, he translated most of the phrases as being along the lines of "go fuck yourself." After he translated I really wished he didn't, because what started out as cute and charming became something sad and ominous. On our way back to school, so Liz could go to a violin lesson and I could go to pit rehearsal, we saw all the cafeteria ladies sitting on the hood of a parked car and smoking. Some of them were still wearing those trademark visors. It was surreal.

I took this picture when I walked home after 5:30 when no one came to pick me up. Bryan Diehl yelled at me from a car and then it started raining. When I got home I ate peanut butter and jelly and wrote a paper on the menstrual cycle for anatomy. Then I went to rehearsal number two of the day. I've been playing my flute so much lately. Unfortunately, it's mostly tunes from Bye Bye Birdie. Speaking of which, "One Boy" is in my head and it's getting annoying. I'm really glad to be finished with that test. The song of the day is "Farewell to the Pressure Kids" by BSS presents Kevin Drew. This weekend will be the busiest I've had in a long time. I decided I don't like being this busy in the last weeks of high school cause it's going by so fast and I'm afraid I'll miss something. Tomorrow I'm going in for study first because I have to learn how to label the parts of a pig's brain. Oh what a sadist I've become.


May 6

Today was uneventful kind of. I took an anatomy test for which I knew no material and by the halfway point I wasn't even reading questions anymore. I hope I get lucky in the last weeks of high school and nobody gives me anymore schoolwork, cause I just won't do it. It's weird that this week and next week are the busiest weeks of my school year. I think every hour is planned. As a result I am unbearably tired and I keep sleeping in unusual places. This morning after I got out of bed, I sat down on my floor to sort through the piles of clothes that liter it, and then fell asleep sitting up and leaning on the dresser. I also fell asleep in study with my face on a deck of AP World History flash cards, and almost again during pit rehearsal. I like being busy though; it beats being idle. The song of the day is "Arms Against Atrophy" by Titus Andronicus. I'm taking the AP Lit test tomorrow and I am nervous. It's going to be hard and tedious. But words cannot express the relief I will feel when it's over. I can see the finish line. Oh yeah I have to write a paper on the menstrual cycle for this Friday. And yes, I chose that topic.


May 5

I am so tired. A month of sleep deprivation has finally caught up to me. I don't feel like the school year is as close to being over as it is, and I don't expect it to be summer soon. However, I am growing more and more incapable of doing work with every passing day. A couple of months ago, I didn't think this was possible. But I proved myself wrong. Today it rained and all the green looked nice. It was too cold though. I am so busy and tired. I can't think straight and my eyes can't open all the way. I want to go to sleep but first I have to do more homework. I'm almost done. Today was a good day. The second half was better than the first. I am too tired for this. The song of the day is "Mexico" by Cake because it is Cinco de Mayo. I am so tired.


May 4

I decided not to put up pictures for the days I missed just because they are already on facebook and I'd feel redundant. It's nice to be back to blogging! Hopefully I won't need to take another break for a while. I was expecting Toronto to be fun, but it ended up ranking up there with the happiest times of my life, along with the rafting trip. I want to go back right now! Today was weird because I kept forgetting that I wasn't having a ton of fun still. I miss having action packed days with planned fun. Anyways I can't describe the trip cause it would take too long. And nobody who didn't go really wants to know about it anyways, in all truth. Because some people, one in particular, I shall not name names, Steve, are very bitterly jealous. Oh well. It was just a really really fun five days.

Today I had my French AP Exam and it fooled me into thinking I did well by feeling short and not being tedious. In reality I probably did pretty bad. In the next couple weeks until school ends, I am ridiculously busy. Busier than I have been this whole year. This whole week I have pit rehearsal every day after school, and a flute lesson, and Jomp orchestra, and Mr. Miller's orchestra. And I'm working for the first time this saturday, and then going to junior prom, so I hope I don't smell like farmland....

The song of the day is "Rebellion (Lies)" by the Arcade Fire.