May 15

Today in the backseat of my dad's car on the way to school I decided to document my whole day by taking lots of photographs everywhere I went. So now I have all these photos of the third to last school day of my senior year. I'm probably going to put them on facebook, not because I will feel any particular fulfillment by doing this, but because I don't know how else to guarantee that at least someone looks at them. Lanny would want me to call the album "My Beautiful Friends." I've always wanted to take a picture like this one. 

On New Year's Eve, I wrote down all my resolutions in two columns in my journal. One of the columns is for long-lasting resolutions and the other is for short-term ones. In the long-lasting column, I put general, hard-to-obtain goals like stay true to myself and express love towards others better. In the other column there were only three resolutions and they were to exercise regularly, write in a blog every day, and write in a journal every day. I've followed one out of three of these, which isn't so bad for my track record up till now. I don't know why I wanted to write in a journal and a blog every day, but I just realized something about myself. I couldn't stick to writing in a journal because I couldn't get past the notion that writing is pointless if no one reads it. Of course this is a philosophy shared by only some people, and others, like Liz, benefit greatly from writing what others will never see. It's just part of who I am though, to want everyone to read what I write. Even if it's mundane details about my generally mundane days that could only function on an internet blog. That's also why I still load my photos on Facebook even when I feel it's somehow degrading to them. Call me pretentious, but I have things to say, and I want someone to listen.

Another thing I realized about myself today is that I reversely love reading what my contemporaries write. If you want to start writing in a blog, I promise I will read it. Everyone thinks differently and portrays that differently in writing. Sometimes I wish I was still young enough to write and receive long, detailed notes from my friends. I love when people feel they can confide in me. I just found a note from my friend Dayna from fifth grade. The handwriting was neat and small and every line slanted down at about a thirty degree angle. The note featured comments about my earrings and recess. There are a couple people, maybe about five or so, that I've met during the past four years whose personalities are strong enough that I will continue to feel impacted by them, long after the end of high school. In a way, I think brief friendships, ones that flare brightly and then end soon after, can help you learn more about yourself than long-lasting ones. 

The song of the day is "No Future" by Titus Andronicus, despite the fact that my future is alive and breathing right now. 


sjglick said...

I love reading this blog!

jennifer said...

this was a great one! and you aren't too old to write letters. me and bry have written letters to eachother everyday this school year and i have them all saved!

Mr. Bronson said...

I read your blog Phoebe. I'm not even sure why I do. You are so far removed from what I experience every day that I can barely even relate. Maybe that's why I read it. I don't know, but I do. Thanks for writing.

loren said...

ditto on the "writing for people to read" bit. I feel weird admitting to it but I want to share with people what I know and experience. You get feedback that is either constructive or additional to your original thoughts. It's kind of fulfilling in a way.