February 28

I blogged through another month! Tomorrow is March. You know when I talked about my grow-your-own-male-stripper that Abby got me? Well he grew really big and I put him on my bedside table, and two days went by and now he's almost as small as he was to begin with. I have no idea what amazing material constitutes this little guy. My mom can't find the bread she just bought. She thinks it went missing. I ate too many Oreos today. Also I took head shots for Emily's dance company. Above is one of them. 

February 27

My dad is awake and wandering around the house because he is has a cough and can't sleep and he asked me what I do when I can't sleep and it occurred to me I have never gotten out of bed once I am in it, unless it is the morning. Even if I can't sleep, I just lay there; sometimes it takes hours. So I don't really know what I would do. Today is Steve's birthday so it was a slightly abnormal school day which was good. I brought a birthday muffin for study but then Steve was late to study and I didn't know where he was so in my confusion and hunger, I ate the muffin. And Liz and I made him some coupons (18 of them) and they are great. Mostly Steve humor, but that was what was important anyways. We ran out of ideas towards the end of the book. Coupon number 15 just said "All the single ladies" with a drawing of a ring on it. At T-Sam's Lanny and I snuck away to tell the waiter it was Steve's birthday and he got so excited and yelled and the waitress who was standing nearby yelled also and we had to tell them to be quiet so Steve wouldn't hear. But don't worry, he was oblivious and watching America's Best Dance Crew so he was still surprised when a large portion of the wait staff came out with fried ice cream and candles, banging tin trays together and singing about Birthdays. The picture is of a ketchup bottle, and behind it is the fried ice cream. It was a pretty fun night.

I have a different chapstick in each pocket. Do you know how rare this is? I lose my chapstick all the time, and I don't think I've ever known the whereabouts of more than one, much less carried them on my persona. I promised I would put up the picture of the day before ten o'clock every night for a week. It might be hard. The song of the day is "Sister" by Sufjan Stevens. A lot of people on songmeanings.net think the really long distorted guitar part ruins the song, but I love it. Yesterday I watched Sufjan Stevens music videos, which mostly consist of him playing the song on a banjo or other acoustic instrument, singing, and not looking at the camera. They would be boring if he wasn't such a wonderful specimen.

February 26

As you can probably infer, my mom made banana chocolate chip muffins today and they are delicious! This week is really boring, so much that I'm self-conscious about the monotony of this blog. I've watched Arthur every day this week. Last night I had a scary dream but I wasn't fully asleep when I had it. I thought I saw a dark figure standing in the hallway outside my room and I just laid there and stared at it (fully awake) until I realized that it had to be Beloved, and then I went back to sleep but had a bunch of fleeting, frantic nightmares about the book. Beloved is probably the scariest fictional character I have ever encountered in a book. Voldemort comes close, but we all knew Voldemort was going to be defeated eventually. 

The song of the day is "Fake Headlines" by the New Pornographers because it gets better as it goes along. Happy birthday Steve in one hour!

February 25

Today was a pretty uneventful day. In fact, I don't even have anything to write about. I thought I lost my flute and I was really panicked for maybe ten seconds. The song of the day is Kim and Jessie by M83. Sorry this is so boring.

February 24

Today I went to the wake of Liz's Grandpa and I don't know if this is too controversial for the internet, but it was the first time I've ever seen a dead person. It's true. I've been to one wake before and the casket was closed. He looked just like any other sleeping person except he wasn't breathing. I couldn't really wrap my mind around it. It's weird, I can't identify with the concept of death. It's the one thing in my life that is unequivocally definite and yet I can't even begin to imagine it happening to me. I'm having one of those rare moments where I feel the need to drink water, and then I drink it. It's called thirst, and it doesn't happen a lot. 

I really loved this phrase from Beloved: "Spirit willing; flesh week." It's from the Bible. I like this book so much; I want everyone to read it. Also I love Mr. Tarmey. Today he told us we were the quietest AP class he's ever had and asked, "Is it me?" Of course it's not him, I don't really know why people don't volunteer their opinions more, because there certainly are opinions. Sometimes it hits me: aren't I so lucky to be able to take this class for free, every day? When else is someone going to give me a free book and help me understand it and want to talk about it for a whole hour? School. The song of the day is "Calender Girl" by Stars.

Liz is brave and so is her family. Death is rough.

February 23

The difference between now and a week ago, before February vacation, isn't that I'm more relaxed now, but that I'm growing more disinterested in school. What is the point again? Everything I'm doing and everything I'm looking forward to is something that's already happened at least once before. I was pretty excited for prom but I don't even know why because I already was excited for prom last year, and the year before, and the excitement is quite possibly better than the experience. I'm also excited to go to Toronto. Well I don't know why I shouldn't be excited for this. I just feel like I've done this all before. Everything new and weird seems more fun now. Like hanging out in a strange town all day or re-doing my room or singing all the time or writing just for the hell of it. Spring is going to be great. This feverish excitement is only going to grow worse. A week from now it'll be March! I have homework tonight. I don't have time for homework! How can teachers expect me to find time to do things other than reading, Facebook, and taking pictures. Next time it rains, I'm going to take a walk down my street.

Abby gave me a grow-your-own-male-stripper and I think he's done growing now. He's pretty slimy and his facial features are deformed, but what do you really expect. I might put him on my bookshelf, if he can stand up by himself. On the bookshelf right now is a tiny metal knight that I got at Allie Pelletz's fourth birthday party at the Higgins Armory, among other things. I think the ice storm cured me of being cold because I haven't felt cold since then. I'm immune. The song of the day is "Carpetbaggers" by Jenny Lewis.

I just used a microwave for the first time in my life! Our neighbors gave us a really old one, and we've never had one before, and my sister bought PopSecret popcorn at the store. And I wanted to make some but I had to call Steve and he walked me through the process after thoroughly enjoying my naivtee. Now I have popcorn!

February 22

My critique is a shining beacon of excellence. And that is horrendously cocky, but I'm feeling very proud right now! I'm really happy I don't have to stay up any longer, or go to school tomorrow without a critique, or without one I am proud of. Actually, I have been done with my critique for a couple hours. I watched the Oscars! I love Kate Winslet. Pictured: Stella having a bath. She just stood there with a pained expression like she was enduring it until it was over. Also whenever she gets wet her ear sticks down like that. Stella is one of the chief sources of entertainment in my life. I can't figure out where to put my poster of Thoreau in my room. I am running out of decent wall space. The song of the day is At Last, by Etta James. Shoot me, I love it. And I love singing it. I still have the same shattered dream.

February 21

This photo was taken from a moving car. Also I am writing this entry on February 22, which is kind of against the rules for this blog. I just feel so bad about not blogging for three days! I was in a cabin in New Hampshire and I went skiing. Not blogging feels similar to not doing my homework and going to class anyways and just waiting for the blow. But it's going to go back to normal now. As soon as I put up the picture for today (February 22). Anyways skiing was fun. On the second day (February 21) I listened to Radiohead while I skiied and it turns out to improve the experience of skiing, which is already a positive experience, by a great deal. "Paranoid Android" would have been the song of the day had I blogged yesterday, but pretty much any song on OK Computer would have worked. Subterranean Homesick Alien and Karma Police made me feel like I was skiing in slow motion. It was surreal and so, so cool. My whole body is sore right now. I shouldn't have taken this long a break from skiing. The snow is back after a short break but it is especially wintery in the White Mountains. It didn't stop snowing the entire time we were there. I should also mention that Liz and her sister and Kbob and other people I know were at the Highland Lodge at the same time we were. Which is uncanny and coincidental even though I actually knew they were going to be there ahead of time. We wanted to make it a surprise for everyone we were with so we didn't tell anyone we were expecting to see each other and the surprise worked. Everyone who works at Highland is from another country. Our favorites were the German guy who worked at the desk and a guy from Brazil who answered the question, "What kind of salad dressing is this" with "Yes." and a huge smile. I have to write an entire critique today. Do you think I can do it? I think I can, purely because there is no alternative. I'll put up the picture for today in a couple of hours. We'll see how far I've come.

February 20

February 19

February 18

Today I learned that I need to be tougher. Also I need to learn to be unafraid to take pictures in public places. I spent the day in New York City and I didn't take any pictures despite wanting to. I was just too afraid to look like a tourist. There comes a time where your camera is so big that you don't look like a tourist but a photographer, and my camera is pretty substantial in size. However that opens up a whole different area of problems; for example, I thought maybe whipping out my SLR in the Bronx would have been a bad idea instead of a good one. I saw a lot of beauty today, and I wish I had documented it. But maybe I appreciated it more without a camera in my face. I can't figure out how the city works but I know I can if I must . And maybe I will have to next year. I don't know yet. It would probably be a good step in my goal of becoming tougher.

Today I wanted to and felt like I should have cried three different times, but the tears never came. One of the times was when we were listening to "Somebody to Love" by Queen, which is the song of the day, in the car, and I had one of those welling-ups of emotion of which I seem to be so fond. Also we spent a lot of time in the rain, and now when I turn my head to the right it sounds like there is water in my left ear. This can only mean good things.

February 17

List of activities that will never, ever be considered productive in which I took part today:

1. Playing Sims 2
2. Eating Oreos
3. Watching American Idol
4. Taking a shower just to be warm
5. Lying face down on the carpet with a copy of Heart of Darkness fanned out on the floor three feet away

The point is, I did not do what I was supposed to do today, which was write a critique, so now I have to watch Apocalypse Now on a mini-DVD player in the car on the way to the train station in Stamford, Connecticut, and then write a critique on a laptop in the Highland Center Lodge in the White Mountains. I always hate February vacation.

The song of the day is "Dime" by Cake.

February 16 - President's Day

Today Liz, Abby, other Abi, and I went to Walden together for the first time since we skinny-dipped there in August. We've been trying to organize this for a while and it felt so nice to finally revisit. I bought a piece of card-stock with Thoreau's face on it; it's going in my (NOW BEAUTIFUL) room. Also we went to a sculpture park in Lincoln. My favorite sculpture was one of three giant fish suspended from trees, all exciting and surreal. I would just like to express right now how much Walden, the pond and the book, mean to me. Okay that's good.

Tomorrow I have to write a whole critique! I don't think I can do it. And after tomorrow, I pretty much won't be home again until Sunday afternoon. I'm going to New York City, and then I'm going skiing. This is probably the least boring February vacation I've ever had. Last year I was in Driver's Ed at this time. The year before I stayed at home all week, unable to drive. I read this uninteresting book by an unknown author and I wrote a journal in a big UVM notebook. I still have it. I talk about how bored I was and how many times I ate macaroni and cheese. Why is it that only my right hand gets cold when I sit in this room and type on this computer? Oh man, the air at Walden Pond is so healthy to breathe! You breathe it and you feel like you breathed in something good for your insides. I was so happy today.

The song of the day is "In This Home on Ice" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, even though I think this was the song of the day recently. I love the line "Blue, you radiant blue, I don't know how you could stand next to me." Sometimes I want to tell this to people.

February 15

This picture was taken in Boston outside of the Wang Theatre, where we went today to see the Boston Ballet. I dozed in and out of sleep for some parts of the ballet but I really enjoyed the parts I was awake for. Yesterday was Valentine's Day! It was the best! Also this is a list of things in my house that are currently malfunctioning: TiVo, the plumbing. It's not a long list but one of the items on it (plumbing) is very important. Also the computer wasn't working right until right now, and that's why the picture of the day yesterday was delayed. I had no free space for a long time, and now I have 18 GB of freedom with which to embrace my photographic potential. It is very exciting. To celebrate, I am going to Walden and taking a lot of pictures and putting them all on the computer and not having to worry about it freezing and crashing! Hooray!

The song of the day is "Gronlandic Edit" by Of Montreal because my sister and I sang part of it in an obnoxious and out-of-tune falsetto when we were driving to Boston. I don't have to go to school tomorrow, or the rest of the week, but I do have to write an awful, scary critique! 

February 14 - Valentine's Day

February 13

I didn't expect this to be the picture of the day when I took it. In fact, it was sort of taken by accident. But my memory card has taken up the wonderful habit of labeling certain photos "corrupt" and thus making them unreadable to a computer, so I didn't have much to work with. Not that I don't like this photo. I just would have rather had the one of Liz's hand writing on a Bratz valentine. Also I took a picture of a paper heart that said my name on it taped to my locker, but it was not a good photograph. It was gray and uninteresting. 

Today was Valentine's Day, for all intents and purposes. I used to say "for all intensive purposes." A man came to our school to give us his lecture on a girl who died at Columbine. It was a beautiful talk, I thought. I wonder if it made any impact on people. I'm not really thinking about it now, but I had this overwhelming feeling of emotion while I was listening to him talk and I couldn't pinpoint exactly why I was crying at the time, but I think I know why now. I could just feel everyone else being so focused and intent and all thinking about the same thing and all being sad for Rachel Scott. It was really intense. And it is hard for me to remember that feeling now, when I am alone. But I trust that it existed. Be nicer.

The song of the day is "You Really Got a Hold on Me" by She&Him. It's a love song! And I'm not afraid to sing it and all the other songs on that album because Zooey Deschanel's voice is kind of plain and unintimidating. I wish I was a singer! 

February 12

Today it rained and was very windy and the rain was freezing cold. I drove around Worcester looking for children's Valentines and didn't find them until I went back to the CVS in Holden. I bought Disney Pixar ones even though the only movie I liked out the whole set was Wall-E. But I had to buy them because the Ratatouille one said "Bonjour Valentine" and it was funny. I love insignificant secular holidays. When I was in Target I almost bought a four dollar framed picture of a stegosaurus that said "STEGO," but then I decided I didn't want to dispense four dollars on it. I can't decide if I regret that decision or not. The song of the day is "The District Sleeps Alone" by the Postal Service because it complimented so well the weird dark clouds and the quickly-over rain showers. It reminds me of this time in sophomore year, which was a bad time. I just painted my nails with a pink that I've had since I was a very small child. I think it's time to retire this shade because it made my nails streaky and they smell like play-do which is not the typical scent of nail polish. Tomorrow's going to be so fun! Expect a love-themed picture of the day. 

February 11

Today it was really hard to choose the picture of the day because I thought I took a bunch of good ones. I took this while driving the car and blindly holding the camera through the window. It was highly amateur. I wanted to take pictures outside because it was so nice out but I didn't want to walk because I didn't have much time so instead I drove around town sporadically and dangerously, often times looking through the viewfinder and veering off the road. I was honked at twice. It was really embarrassing but fun. Also it was SO WARM TODAY. But it was sad because I know it's just fake-April and spring is really not even close at all. This is just not what snow is supposed to look like. To me, winter is only romantic for a month or so. Then it gets dirty. February is a dirty month and it's on the very top of my most-hated month list, surpassed only by January. Today when I drove home from orchestra I put the windows down and I listened to the Strokes, and the first song on the album was so good and it just gave me that feeling that good songs often do that I love everything. I loved orchestra. And driving. And American Idol. Which are all things that I actually do love, but more so when I am listening to "The Modern Age" (also song of the day). Now I have to go read a bunch of Beloved. I love Beloved. But it is creeping me out a lot. Also my right hand is super cold right now.

I almost forgot to talk about the subject of this picture. It's the ugly mess on the end of my street. It used to be so beautiful in this spot, and now they're building a Walgreens and it is disillusioning and depressing and a replacement of the little aesthetic charm my town has left with a heartless, fluorescent block of synthetic walls and floors. I like this picture though.

February 10

I am so tired today that I have several times contemplated going to bed, and it isn't even ten yet. My sister wants me to do her French homework and she called me selfish because I wouldn't. Guess what, my room isn't clean. The song of the day is "Ooh La La" by the Faces. Sometimes I almost forget about picture of the day. I think it's going to be hard to blog every day in like, four months. When I started this blog I didn't think about it as a commitment from which I wouldn't get a day off for a whole year. It's pretty hard for us to empathize, even with ourselves. So I couldn't really imagine how I'd feel about it months in the future. But don't worry, I promised to do this every day for a year. I have to get a really good picture soon though. I've been kind of lazy lately.

Today I heard this super good song in Staples in which the lead singer had some accent that made him pronounce "miles" strangely. I just realized I still haven't seen Rushmore. I bet I would really like it. My computer currently has 19 MB of free space. This is very dangerous. The picture of the day is a makeup mirror in the dark.

February 9

The song of the day today is "I'm Always in Love" by Wilco. It's love song week! Even though yesterday's was far from a love song. I love Valentine's Day. I love any school day that is abnormal. Today I babysat for the Macks because Emily couldn't. This is Olivia, and you can't see it but she is standing over the fort I made for her and Eli. It was a very well-made fort, but the ceiling was probably a foot and a half over the ground so they just laid down on their backs inside it and giggled and then at some point it came down on top of them and it was the most hilarious thing that's ever happened to anyone, ever. I am trying to finish cleaning/ re-doing my room for tomorrow, because that's when I projected its culmination; it's not going to happen. Oh yeah today I had my first gym class since last spring. I found a fault in myself I want to change. I think I talk too loud, too fast, and too much. When I get excited I can't stop. Did I mention I like to write?

Today I learned that pterodactyl is not spelled terodactyl. I feel really bad about this. I've been spelling it without the p all my life! 

February 8

Today my mom made weird muffins that have apricot jelly in the middle. They are so good! Lanny and I went to keep Michela company while she was babysitting. We went for a walk with her and the baby and had a rendez-vous with a crazy dog who charged us multiple times. We had to shield the baby, but she was laughing. I'm wearing new socks today! They are purple. I read this kid's book called "Love that Dog" about a boy who is learning to write poetry and he writes about his dog named Sky who was hit by a car. It doesn't feel natural to have this little work to do. By the way, Neil Diamond is on the Grammy's right now and my mom just said, "Why isn't he dead yet??" The song of the day is "15 Step" by Radiohead. There is no song of the day yesterday. Unless you really want one. 

Yesterday was pretty bad, but it wasn't devoid of fun moments, so I'm glad I decided against fast-forwarding the whole day. The picture from yesterday is Liz leaning up against a wall while we waited in the parking lot for Jen before going to Cafe Dolce. It was so warm out. It's so warm out today too. My parents want to buy me a new bed. I think it's pretty bad timing.

February 7

February 6

My cat is purring like a machine right now. And she keeps picking at my chair. The best part of my day today was going to Shabbat services. Don't worry, I'm not gonna get all religious on you now, but I really like being Jewish sometimes. What I don't like is having to repeat my list of colleges five times in two minutes, and then some. I can't wait till recounting the names of nine universities for the listener to subsequently judge me and my societal worth is no longer an appropriate act of conversation. I guess I'll only have to wait two months. I saw "He's Just Not That into You" with Liz and I enjoyed it so much. I'm not kidding, it was great! My mom almost made muffins today but I guess she got distracted because there are no muffins. The song of the day is "This Modern Love" by Bloc Party because Valentine's Day is coming up. Speaking of, I made a playlist of love songs!

I am really not looking forward to tomorrow. I wish I could fast forward to Sunday. And if by any chance I do have any fun tomorrow, well then I would be allowed to rewind back to the fun part. Stella is sitting six feet away from me but I wouldn't be able to tell if I hadn't looked because her purr is that loud.

February 5

Today when I woke up I felt like some phantom pressure of substantial force was being applied to my eyeballs. Also I had a fever so I stayed home and slept. Then my mom and I drove to pick up the car which was at the shop and then we went to the mall, and to my utter shock and disgust, I found a shirt in American Eagle that said "Love the one your with." 

ARE YOU SERIOUS AMERICAN EAGLE? ARE YOU REALLY GOING TO MASS PRODUCE A PIECE OF CLOTHING THAT SO BLATANTLY SPOTLIGHTS SUCH AN IMMATURE AND OFFENSIVE GRAMMATICAL ERROR? DOES ANYBODY WHO WORKS FOR YOUR MASSIVE EMPIRE OF A CORPORATION READ?? 

Things like this make me feel indignant, but in a good way: kind of a warm and comforting indignance. I can't describe it any better than that. My sister ordered this leotard to wear on the rare days of dance class when she isn't required to wear purple, but allowed to go crazy and choose any color. 

When we were in the mall, we talked about "has-been"s, which I think is one of the saddest ideas. My mom said, "Everyone eventually becomes a has-been. The best thing to do is just to accept it with grace and not fight it." Sad! And then I thought about all the things I could do in my middle age to avoid being a has-been, but trying to avoid what is supposed to be inevitable is somehow even sadder. Right now I know my cold is going away because I keep feeling like I'm going to sneeze but it never comes. At least I'm getting better. It's a goddamn annoying feeling though.

February 4

I'm sick and I slept for almost five hours in the middle of the day. This is a habenero and it is super hot so don't eat it! My mom told me to wash my hands afterwards and not touch my eye but then I did touch my eye and it burned and it still burns a little. The song of the day is "I'm so Free" by Lou Reed.

February 3

I have an amazing headache right now. Today I had my last two midterms and they were both really easy and didn't make my stomach hurt at all. Then I went to Jumpin' Juice n' Java with Liz, Abi, and Abby and I've never been there before but I want to go back. I ordered a wrap and some cranberry-raspberry soda that I JUST finished five minutes ago. Steve would have been aggravated. This is Emily when she was plucking her eyebrows, which is an action she thought would make for an unflattering picture, but turns out it's not, and who is surprised by that? The song of the day is "Acid Tongue" by Jenny Lewis. I love her. I have this weird and bothersome cough. I think my immune system is a little weak and decrepit right now, but I'm not as bad as Emily. 

I decided to clean my room very thoroughly, but I can't do it all at once, so I have divided the cleaning into nightly installments and I should be done by next Tuesday. The hardest day is going to be this Friday because it's the day where I will fold all the clean clothes that reside under my bed, on my closet floor, and in, around, and under my pink U-shaped chair. I hate folding clothes, especially when there is no room to put them anywhere once they're folded. Now I have to give Stella her insulin, then put on some chap-stick, then go to bed.

February 2

Not a molecule. I don't even remember what that is referring to. I have no idea how well I'm going to fare on my anatomy midterm tomorrow. Today Liz stayed at my house from 10 am to 8 pm. We painted our nails and I painted mine red even though I just painted them green. And we had to keep the door shut to my room because Emily was sleeping so the nail polish smell just contaminated the room and we inhaled it while we studied for anatomy and wrote secret lists. The song of the day is "Purple Bottle" by Animal Collective because it is a real cutie. Tomorrow after I take my two midterms, first semester of senior year will be over! How exciting! I know it's not going to be easier, but it's still cathartic. CAThartic. Meow.

February 1

Wow. It feels strange to type "February" the title box. Anyways, welcome to the shortest month of the year: also, one month closer to June. Today was a really good day. The picture kind of explains it. The song of the day is "More Adventurous" by Rilo Kiley because I need to embrace this motto and get rid of my things-that-would-be-fun-if-I-wasn't-too-scared-to-do-them list. Today somebody took my money and I want it back, you bitch! Emily is still sick. I bought her a pair of slipper socks from Urban Outfitters and I told her stories and I hope she is better tomorrow. 

My throat hurts, but it is just from excitement.