June 30

God help me, "Disturbia" is stuck in my head. Today I came home from UMass orientation and spent the rest of the day ironically disoriented. It was weird to make the switch from new friends to old friends so quickly. For Kathryn's birthday I dressed up like a mom who recently underwent a midlife crisis. It wasn't hard. I just wore my mom's purple silk suit from the eighties. It's actually not fair to call this a suit. It looks nothing like a suit; the best description that is also accurate is maybe "body cover."

The last three days were so much fun. I almost feel guilty admitting it. I feel guilty that I had fun and some other people somewhere else didn't. I want to give them my fun because I had more than enough. I'm so used to being pessimistic about UMass that I'm actually finding difficulty in admitting that I am really excited for the fall now. This picture is of the best tree on the campus. Its branches stretch out and then sag onto the ground, creating a "green closet," as Toni Morrison would say. The commonality that bonded myself and my orientation friends is our pride in Butterfield, in English as a major, and, just maybe, in our sub-conscious inclination to believe we are just a little bit too good for UMass. Why am I still awake. The song of the day is "The Penalty" by Beirut.

June 29

Song of the day: "Baby, I'm an Anarchist" by Against Me!

June 28

Song of the day: "Details of the War" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

June 27

Today I ran errands. For me, the actual completion of the errands is rare. I saw Away We Go with my parents and it was the best movie I've seen in a long time. Dave Eggers wrote it! I'm in the middle of three books as of today. I read while listening to the thunderstorms. The song of the day is "Light&Day/ Reach for the Sun" by the Polyphonic Spree. Oh and I went to a Starwars convention. I did a lot of unoridinary things today.

Tomorrow I am going to orientation and I am scared. Also excited. I'm sad that I won't be able to blog, I don't think. Today my dad told me the itinerary for our trip to California. We are doing a lot of hiking and staying in inns on the coast. Also we are backpacking, and visiting San Francisco and Berkeley. I am so excited that the word "excited" pales in comparison to never-invented word that actually describes my anticipation for this trip. I am ready to go. All my friends are leaving! I feel alone, but not for long, since I too will be gone soon. Goodbye home and cat. Today I realized how unprepared for college I am. But then I pushed that thought to the back burners of my mind and I will do it again now. I am really tired but I don't want to go to bed because my bed has no blankets on it. This would be an easy fix if I was less uninterested in fixing it.

June 26

I didn't blog last night! Oh no! The excuse is only that I waited until too late and then my mother made me go to sleep. I bought this candle with Jeff at the dollar store and it smells really nice and the smell will probably always remind me of the last two weeks. Last night we all gathered at Jeff's house because he is leaving for RISD today, and even though I am not leaving anywhere (yet), I felt like I was saying goodbye to a particular era and not just a person. On Sunday I am going to orientation. Then I am coming home for two days and then leaving for California. When I get back, half of July will be over and I will work all the time. It's possible that the last two weeks have been the most fun of my life. Jeff Greene. There's a dead spider on my printer. 

Song of the day is "For Emma" by Bon Iver. Kelsey says that album reminds her of the ice storm. That's extremely appropriate. 

But me I'm a single cell, on a serpent's tongue

June 25

I had imaginary friends throughout my childhood. My closest imagined companion was named Goma. He was too early for me to remember, but my mother tells me that once, while waiting in line at a Subway, I pointed to a middle-aged and balding man and said, "Mommy, that man looks just like Goma."

When I grew older my imaginary friends were slightly more rational. In the first grade they were three human-sized gummy bears. Their leader was Berry, who was green, and who rode on my shoulders. Everyday, I walked home in the walking line extending my arms high in the air, in order to keep Berry securely fastened. Once Ed Shoro asked me why I always held my arms up while walking. It was embarrassing and from then on, Berry held on himself. Berry's friend was Bloo-oo. Bloo-oo came around after I had begun losing creativity with names. She was blue, and that was the only thing I remember about her.

As a very young child I liked to sit on the toilet with the seat down. I fit perfectly. My weirdest imaginary friend to date was the structure behind the toilet, home to the toilet pump. I named it Vagina. 

Happy sweet 16 Emily!

June 24

It's been Emily's birthday for 51 minutes, and my mom says that if I don't go to bed within the next 9 minutes, she'll unplug the computer. Emily and I were counting down the minutes to her birthday but then Liz called at exactly 11:59 with a minor crisis and so one minute later, I had to engage in my phone call with Liz and simultaneously dance and make unusual, meaningless gestures, all while seated in a rolling chair, for the purpose of amusing the now "birthday girl." Tomorrow I am going to make a big deal out of this occasion.

Today was really fun because I swam for the first time [in New England] since last summer. It was cold out but still so refreshing to go swimming in the lake. At night we stood on the dock and looked at the water and a faint bluish light was shining behind the hills and it created a halo-like glow that spilled onto the black ice lake and I'm fairly sure it was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. The song of the day is "You Remind me of Something" by Bonnie 'Prince' Billy.

I made it with 2 minutes to spare!

June 23

This picture is taken by Emily. I am eating craisins right now because I love craisins. I don't understand the premise of the "Final Destination" movies. I've never seen one, but from what I understand, they feature an insignificant plot that does little to cover the true motive: showcasing horrific, gruesome, and improbable deaths. It scares me that these movies have a fan base.

Lately I've not been having much to blog about. Sometimes I find myself in a lull. Most of my days are the same. Today I forgot what day it is. It's not so bad though. Oh, I went to McDonalds.

:(

The song of the day is "Romulus" by Sufjan Stevens. I'm excited for tomorrow!

June 22

I'm starting to wonder if this much rain is normal, or if we are undergoing an environmental crisis in which the rain never stops and we all drown. Maybe we are being punished for our excessive sins. Or maybe it's the opposite; the rain will cleanse us. The song of the day is "Stickshifts and Safety Belts" by Cake.

Stickshifts and safety belts, bucket seats have all got to go

when we're driving, in the car, makes my baby seem so far.

June 21

Tonight I told my mom I think kids whose parents trust them are less likely to be untrustworthy. She thinks that trust begins on the first day of your life, when you cry because you're hungry or wet and someone trusts that something is really wrong and they help you because you're helpless. Then you believe that you're important enough to deserve someone else's help and you become trusting, and then trustworthy. I think my mom got the whole parenting thing right.

This weekend was really crazy! I hope I have a lot more weekends like this, because I want to remember this summer. The song of the day is "The Garden that You Planted" by Sea Wolf. 

They say cleaning your room creates feelings of positivity and optimism for the future. My room is as cluttered as ever, but it's hard to remember a time during which I felt more content with my life.

June 20

June 19

I don't know why, but all my nails are broken. They just all simultaneously broke. I don't mind though; I am really happy today.

The song of the day is "Poison Oak" by Bright Eyes, you know why!

June 18

Today was divided into two sections. During the second section, I hung out with various friends, and talked to them, you know, that stuff, so it was okay. But for the entire morning and early afternoon, I felt pathetic, lonely, bored, sick, and disgusted in myself. I couldn't walk though, so that was pretty much the reason for my melancholy. Whenever someone asked me today why I was limping, I would try to owe it up to "acid burn," but not once did that cut it as a legitimate reason, in anyone's eyes. I would have loved it to be accepted. Anyways I'm better now. But you know what I did today? I bought a donut, at the drive-thru, and ate it. Right there in the car. I felt like the epitome of three to four deadly sins.

Sometimes I wish days were twice as long as they are. This way, I could give my family as much of me as I give my friends. I'm really glad I'm going to California with them. Today I found "New Sensations" by Lou Reed on tape. I've been looking for this for about a year now. Listening to it reminded me of traveling around upstate New York with my dad, an excursion I will always remember fondly.

Maybe it's the rain, or maybe the donut, but I'm feeling a little too stationary these days. I need more art in my life, and more velocity.

She looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing, my fake plastic love