February 26

As you can probably infer, my mom made banana chocolate chip muffins today and they are delicious! This week is really boring, so much that I'm self-conscious about the monotony of this blog. I've watched Arthur every day this week. Last night I had a scary dream but I wasn't fully asleep when I had it. I thought I saw a dark figure standing in the hallway outside my room and I just laid there and stared at it (fully awake) until I realized that it had to be Beloved, and then I went back to sleep but had a bunch of fleeting, frantic nightmares about the book. Beloved is probably the scariest fictional character I have ever encountered in a book. Voldemort comes close, but we all knew Voldemort was going to be defeated eventually. 

The song of the day is "Fake Headlines" by the New Pornographers because it gets better as it goes along. Happy birthday Steve in one hour!

February 25

Today was a pretty uneventful day. In fact, I don't even have anything to write about. I thought I lost my flute and I was really panicked for maybe ten seconds. The song of the day is Kim and Jessie by M83. Sorry this is so boring.

February 24

Today I went to the wake of Liz's Grandpa and I don't know if this is too controversial for the internet, but it was the first time I've ever seen a dead person. It's true. I've been to one wake before and the casket was closed. He looked just like any other sleeping person except he wasn't breathing. I couldn't really wrap my mind around it. It's weird, I can't identify with the concept of death. It's the one thing in my life that is unequivocally definite and yet I can't even begin to imagine it happening to me. I'm having one of those rare moments where I feel the need to drink water, and then I drink it. It's called thirst, and it doesn't happen a lot. 

I really loved this phrase from Beloved: "Spirit willing; flesh week." It's from the Bible. I like this book so much; I want everyone to read it. Also I love Mr. Tarmey. Today he told us we were the quietest AP class he's ever had and asked, "Is it me?" Of course it's not him, I don't really know why people don't volunteer their opinions more, because there certainly are opinions. Sometimes it hits me: aren't I so lucky to be able to take this class for free, every day? When else is someone going to give me a free book and help me understand it and want to talk about it for a whole hour? School. The song of the day is "Calender Girl" by Stars.

Liz is brave and so is her family. Death is rough.

February 23

The difference between now and a week ago, before February vacation, isn't that I'm more relaxed now, but that I'm growing more disinterested in school. What is the point again? Everything I'm doing and everything I'm looking forward to is something that's already happened at least once before. I was pretty excited for prom but I don't even know why because I already was excited for prom last year, and the year before, and the excitement is quite possibly better than the experience. I'm also excited to go to Toronto. Well I don't know why I shouldn't be excited for this. I just feel like I've done this all before. Everything new and weird seems more fun now. Like hanging out in a strange town all day or re-doing my room or singing all the time or writing just for the hell of it. Spring is going to be great. This feverish excitement is only going to grow worse. A week from now it'll be March! I have homework tonight. I don't have time for homework! How can teachers expect me to find time to do things other than reading, Facebook, and taking pictures. Next time it rains, I'm going to take a walk down my street.

Abby gave me a grow-your-own-male-stripper and I think he's done growing now. He's pretty slimy and his facial features are deformed, but what do you really expect. I might put him on my bookshelf, if he can stand up by himself. On the bookshelf right now is a tiny metal knight that I got at Allie Pelletz's fourth birthday party at the Higgins Armory, among other things. I think the ice storm cured me of being cold because I haven't felt cold since then. I'm immune. The song of the day is "Carpetbaggers" by Jenny Lewis.

I just used a microwave for the first time in my life! Our neighbors gave us a really old one, and we've never had one before, and my sister bought PopSecret popcorn at the store. And I wanted to make some but I had to call Steve and he walked me through the process after thoroughly enjoying my naivtee. Now I have popcorn!

February 22

My critique is a shining beacon of excellence. And that is horrendously cocky, but I'm feeling very proud right now! I'm really happy I don't have to stay up any longer, or go to school tomorrow without a critique, or without one I am proud of. Actually, I have been done with my critique for a couple hours. I watched the Oscars! I love Kate Winslet. Pictured: Stella having a bath. She just stood there with a pained expression like she was enduring it until it was over. Also whenever she gets wet her ear sticks down like that. Stella is one of the chief sources of entertainment in my life. I can't figure out where to put my poster of Thoreau in my room. I am running out of decent wall space. The song of the day is At Last, by Etta James. Shoot me, I love it. And I love singing it. I still have the same shattered dream.

February 21

This photo was taken from a moving car. Also I am writing this entry on February 22, which is kind of against the rules for this blog. I just feel so bad about not blogging for three days! I was in a cabin in New Hampshire and I went skiing. Not blogging feels similar to not doing my homework and going to class anyways and just waiting for the blow. But it's going to go back to normal now. As soon as I put up the picture for today (February 22). Anyways skiing was fun. On the second day (February 21) I listened to Radiohead while I skiied and it turns out to improve the experience of skiing, which is already a positive experience, by a great deal. "Paranoid Android" would have been the song of the day had I blogged yesterday, but pretty much any song on OK Computer would have worked. Subterranean Homesick Alien and Karma Police made me feel like I was skiing in slow motion. It was surreal and so, so cool. My whole body is sore right now. I shouldn't have taken this long a break from skiing. The snow is back after a short break but it is especially wintery in the White Mountains. It didn't stop snowing the entire time we were there. I should also mention that Liz and her sister and Kbob and other people I know were at the Highland Lodge at the same time we were. Which is uncanny and coincidental even though I actually knew they were going to be there ahead of time. We wanted to make it a surprise for everyone we were with so we didn't tell anyone we were expecting to see each other and the surprise worked. Everyone who works at Highland is from another country. Our favorites were the German guy who worked at the desk and a guy from Brazil who answered the question, "What kind of salad dressing is this" with "Yes." and a huge smile. I have to write an entire critique today. Do you think I can do it? I think I can, purely because there is no alternative. I'll put up the picture for today in a couple of hours. We'll see how far I've come.

February 20

February 19

February 18

Today I learned that I need to be tougher. Also I need to learn to be unafraid to take pictures in public places. I spent the day in New York City and I didn't take any pictures despite wanting to. I was just too afraid to look like a tourist. There comes a time where your camera is so big that you don't look like a tourist but a photographer, and my camera is pretty substantial in size. However that opens up a whole different area of problems; for example, I thought maybe whipping out my SLR in the Bronx would have been a bad idea instead of a good one. I saw a lot of beauty today, and I wish I had documented it. But maybe I appreciated it more without a camera in my face. I can't figure out how the city works but I know I can if I must . And maybe I will have to next year. I don't know yet. It would probably be a good step in my goal of becoming tougher.

Today I wanted to and felt like I should have cried three different times, but the tears never came. One of the times was when we were listening to "Somebody to Love" by Queen, which is the song of the day, in the car, and I had one of those welling-ups of emotion of which I seem to be so fond. Also we spent a lot of time in the rain, and now when I turn my head to the right it sounds like there is water in my left ear. This can only mean good things.

February 17

List of activities that will never, ever be considered productive in which I took part today:

1. Playing Sims 2
2. Eating Oreos
3. Watching American Idol
4. Taking a shower just to be warm
5. Lying face down on the carpet with a copy of Heart of Darkness fanned out on the floor three feet away

The point is, I did not do what I was supposed to do today, which was write a critique, so now I have to watch Apocalypse Now on a mini-DVD player in the car on the way to the train station in Stamford, Connecticut, and then write a critique on a laptop in the Highland Center Lodge in the White Mountains. I always hate February vacation.

The song of the day is "Dime" by Cake.

February 16 - President's Day

Today Liz, Abby, other Abi, and I went to Walden together for the first time since we skinny-dipped there in August. We've been trying to organize this for a while and it felt so nice to finally revisit. I bought a piece of card-stock with Thoreau's face on it; it's going in my (NOW BEAUTIFUL) room. Also we went to a sculpture park in Lincoln. My favorite sculpture was one of three giant fish suspended from trees, all exciting and surreal. I would just like to express right now how much Walden, the pond and the book, mean to me. Okay that's good.

Tomorrow I have to write a whole critique! I don't think I can do it. And after tomorrow, I pretty much won't be home again until Sunday afternoon. I'm going to New York City, and then I'm going skiing. This is probably the least boring February vacation I've ever had. Last year I was in Driver's Ed at this time. The year before I stayed at home all week, unable to drive. I read this uninteresting book by an unknown author and I wrote a journal in a big UVM notebook. I still have it. I talk about how bored I was and how many times I ate macaroni and cheese. Why is it that only my right hand gets cold when I sit in this room and type on this computer? Oh man, the air at Walden Pond is so healthy to breathe! You breathe it and you feel like you breathed in something good for your insides. I was so happy today.

The song of the day is "In This Home on Ice" by Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, even though I think this was the song of the day recently. I love the line "Blue, you radiant blue, I don't know how you could stand next to me." Sometimes I want to tell this to people.

February 15

This picture was taken in Boston outside of the Wang Theatre, where we went today to see the Boston Ballet. I dozed in and out of sleep for some parts of the ballet but I really enjoyed the parts I was awake for. Yesterday was Valentine's Day! It was the best! Also this is a list of things in my house that are currently malfunctioning: TiVo, the plumbing. It's not a long list but one of the items on it (plumbing) is very important. Also the computer wasn't working right until right now, and that's why the picture of the day yesterday was delayed. I had no free space for a long time, and now I have 18 GB of freedom with which to embrace my photographic potential. It is very exciting. To celebrate, I am going to Walden and taking a lot of pictures and putting them all on the computer and not having to worry about it freezing and crashing! Hooray!

The song of the day is "Gronlandic Edit" by Of Montreal because my sister and I sang part of it in an obnoxious and out-of-tune falsetto when we were driving to Boston. I don't have to go to school tomorrow, or the rest of the week, but I do have to write an awful, scary critique! 

February 14 - Valentine's Day